


The Morning After

by Brightki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, One Shot, Other, this is horrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brightki/pseuds/Brightki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape takes a nap before dinner, and wakes up to a nightmare. Originally posted to LiveJournal prior to May 2009.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Morning After

Severus Snape sighed as the door to his classroom closed behind the last student. It had been a long, trying day of classes. The damned kids seemed to get dumber each year. There was a whole class period left before dinner, and a nap was sounding awfully good. Heading into his private quarters, he settles onto his bed with a sigh. A quick headache draught, kept handy by the bed, and boots and outer robes divested, the dark-haired wizard was laid out cold for about an hour. 

*one hour later* 

Snape opens his eyes slightly, stretching out before sitting up and groping around for his black wizard’s robe. The nap was refreshing and he felt much better for it. He pauses, his hand halfway to the cloth, looking down fully at the… pink satin sheets? What the hell? Now looking around the room, he stares at all of the little touches… that he had nothing to do with. 

“I am going to KILL someone!” he throws his robes on, quickly lacing his boots and starts for the door. 

“Severus? Where are you going?” Snape freezes with his hand on the doorknob, before slowly turning around and letting out a blood-curdling scream. Hermione Granger was standing in the doorway to his bathroom, lounging against the doorframe, wearing nothing but a seductive smile and her curly hair. “Why’re you running off so quick?” 

Still screaming, Snape quickly opens the door and scrambles out of the rooms and into the hallway. At the end of the way, he leans against the wall, panting before darting towards the Great Hall. “Merlin’s beard! What the hell is going on?!” He bursts through the doors and stops to look around for a moment, before squealing at the sight. It obviously wasn’t meal time… and seeing Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore tangled together… naked… on the faculty table… 

“AUGH!!!!!!!!” He again turns and runs from the room, stumbling down the hallway. “No no no, I didn’t see that, noooo!” He collapses against the wall by a door, gasping for breath as he looks around warily. Suddenly, the door fly opens and two bodies fall to the floor, apparently wrestling around. 

This, he can handle. Snape draws a breath, before it seizes up in his throat and he lets out a weird wheezing noise. Draco… and Harry… were on the floor… most passionately making out. Hearing the odd hissing noise, Draco pops his head out from under Harry’s, looking around. “What…? Oh, Severus! What ever are you doing out here?” He smirks seductively, as Harry looks up and grins. “Snape… wanna join us?” 

“AUGH!!!!!!!!!!” Snape jumps away from the wall and runs as hard as he can past the couple still sprawled on the floor. “What the bloody HELL is going on?!” He keeps running until he gets outside of the castle, staggering when he gets to the edge of the forest and collapsing at the foot of a tree, panting heavily. “Merlin, what are you doing to me? What is going on?!” He pauses, hearing a rustling sound behind him. He jumps to his feet and pulls out his wand, before bursting into tears as Hagrid rides by completely nude on top of Buckbeak. “Eh? Professor Snape! Wanta take ari’e? The feathers feel real good, ya know?” 

Letting out a strangled sob, Snape turns and runs as quickly as possible back into the castle. Before running smack into Ginny and Luna practically humping one another across the doors. “AHH… Wait.” He pauses and watches the two for a moment, before Ginny notices. “Professor Snape?! AUGH!” She grabs her wand and throws her patented Bat-Bogey Hex at him. “AHHHH!!!” He swats at the flying bogies as he takes off down the hall. 

“Severus! Where are you going? Wait for me, Severus!” Looking back, he sees Hermione running after him, still wearing nothing but her hair. “AUGH!!!” He speeds up and turns the corner, before realizing that it’s a dead-end. Running smack into the wall, Snape screams and jumps out of his bed, clutching his wand and whirling around, just to see his regular black satin sheets, and no weird pillows or flowers anywhere. “Merlin… it was just a nightmare…” 

“Severus? What’s goin’ on?” Lupin sits up and rubs his eyes, staring up at the dark wizard. 

Snape stares down at the werewolf before letting out a pitiful whimper and hitting the carpet with a thud. Lupin peers over the edge of the bed and snickers, grabbing his shirt and sneaking out of the potion’s master’s quarters. “Best April Fool’s ever!”

**Author's Note:**

> Author: kitsuneneko (LJ)  
> Written for diatink, who wanted a fic about Snape! (~2009)


End file.
